Author Topic: ~ Comedy Quotes ~ (Read 8479 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #30 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:42:37 AM »

[highlight-text]Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin

MysteRy · « **Reply #31 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:44:41 AM »

[highlight-text]Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #32 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:45:18 AM »

[highlight-text]Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

MysteRy · « **Reply #33 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:45:49 AM »

[highlight-text]I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist... allright.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #34 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:46:24 AM »

[highlight-text]I just finished my first book. Pretty soon I'm gonna read another.

Rodney Dangerfield

MysteRy · « **Reply #35 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:46:56 AM »

[highlight-text]When we played softball I'd steal second base feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #36 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:47:28 AM »

[highlight-text]All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

Steve Martin

MysteRy · « **Reply #37 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:47:56 AM »

[highlight-text]I like it when people laugh for no reason... like that lady over there.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #38 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:48:32 AM »

[highlight-text]I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #39 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:49:03 AM »

[highlight-text]Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

Author Unknown

MysteRy · « **Reply #40 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:49:37 AM »

[highlight-text](From the enclosed booklet) Jamaican Air -- Every flight is the red-eye!

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #41 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:50:06 AM »

[highlight-text]How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?

Charles de Gaulle

MysteRy · « **Reply #42 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:50:34 AM »

[highlight-text]Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #43 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:51:02 AM »

[highlight-text]I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, 'Dude, you have to wait.'

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #44 on:** June 22, 2016, 10:51:35 AM »

[highlight-text]It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Douglas Adams

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