Author Topic: ~ Comedy Quotes ~ (Read 8303 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #15 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:16:23 PM »

[highlight-text]I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #16 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:17:23 PM »

[highlight-text]This shirt is 'dry-clean only'...which means it's dirty.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #17 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:18:36 PM »

[highlight-text]An escalator can never break - it can only become stairs.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #18 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:20:42 PM »

[highlight-text]When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.

Author Unknown

MysteRy · « **Reply #19 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:21:39 PM »

[highlight-text]I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #20 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:24:40 PM »

[highlight-text]Boy those French they have a different word for everything!

Steve Martin

MysteRy · « **Reply #21 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:25:59 PM »

[highlight-text]A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

Pierre Berton

MysteRy · « **Reply #22 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:29:58 PM »

[highlight-text]In real life I assure you there is no such thing as algebra.

Fran Lebowitz

MysteRy · « **Reply #23 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:32:30 PM »

[highlight-text]My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #24 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:35:35 PM »

[highlight-text]If I could drop dead right now I'd be the happiest man alive.

Samuel Goldwyn

MysteRy · « **Reply #25 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:42:59 PM »

[highlight-text]I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #26 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:44:28 PM »

[highlight-text]Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Groucho Marx

MysteRy · « **Reply #27 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:51:03 PM »

[highlight-text]I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #28 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:55:24 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

Dorothy Parker

MysteRy · « **Reply #29 on:** June 20, 2016, 08:57:14 PM »

[highlight-text]If stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?

Will Rogers

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