Author Topic: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~  (Read 5307 times)

Offline MysteRy

~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« on: May 14, 2015, 10:18:24 PM »
Mitch Hedberg Quotes


An American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. 
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes, mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs. Hedberg's comedy and on-stage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.

Here are some famous quotes by Mitch Hedberg.




I dressed up for the CD.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2015, 10:18:59 PM »
My girl works at Hooters, in the kitchen.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2015, 10:19:30 PM »
I play sports...no I don't, what the Sorry?

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2015, 10:20:02 PM »
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2015, 10:20:31 PM »
I'm an ice sculptor - last night I made a cube.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2015, 10:21:02 PM »
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2015, 10:21:35 PM »
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be Sorryed up.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2015, 10:22:36 PM »
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2015, 10:23:08 PM »
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2015, 10:23:49 PM »
This shirt is 'dry-clean only'...which means it's dirty.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2015, 10:24:43 PM »
An escalator can never break - it can only become stairs.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2015, 10:25:19 PM »
I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2015, 10:26:00 PM »
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2015, 10:26:43 PM »
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Offline MysteRy

Re: ~ Mitch Hedberg Quotes ~
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2015, 10:27:31 PM »
I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.