Author Topic: ~ Dave Barry Quotes ~ (Read 8196 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #30 on:** April 11, 2014, 01:57:47 PM »

If God had wanted us to spend our time fretting about the problems of home ownership He would never have invented beer.

MysteRy · « **Reply #31 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:12:58 AM »

Magnetism as you recall from physics class is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

MysteRy · « **Reply #32 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:13:48 AM »

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

MysteRy · « **Reply #33 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:16:28 AM »

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time and I doubt that anybody would notice.

MysteRy · « **Reply #34 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:18:25 AM »

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy overweight Protestants today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

MysteRy · « **Reply #35 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:18:59 AM »

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

MysteRy · « **Reply #36 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:19:30 AM »

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

MysteRy · « **Reply #37 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:20:22 AM »

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body and he'd claim it was 'just a sprain'.

MysteRy · « **Reply #38 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:21:21 AM »

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.imson]

MysteRy · « **Reply #39 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:22:00 AM »

There are no seeing eye cats of course because the sole function of cats in the Great Chain of Life is to cause harm to human beings.

MysteRy · « **Reply #40 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:22:33 AM »

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth with a top speed of 120 ft/sec is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

MysteRy · « **Reply #41 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:23:00 AM »

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

MysteRy · « **Reply #42 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:23:59 AM »

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

MysteRy · « **Reply #43 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:27:26 AM »

You can say any foolish thing to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says My God you're right! I never would've thought of that!''

MysteRy · « **Reply #44 on:** April 12, 2014, 11:27:59 AM »

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics such as sex eye color age and Social Security number.

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