Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 28402 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #120 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:05:25 PM »

[highlight-text]Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Bill Cosby

MysteRy · « **Reply #121 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:06:02 PM »

[highlight-text]I haven't spoken to my wife in years - I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

MysteRy · « **Reply #122 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:06:37 PM »

[highlight-text]Everybody knows how to raise children except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke

MysteRy · « **Reply #123 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:07:32 PM »

[highlight-text]I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

MysteRy · « **Reply #124 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:03:08 PM »

[highlight-text]If truth is beauty how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Lily Tomlin

MysteRy · « **Reply #125 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:06:35 PM »

[highlight-text]I am not afraid of death I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #126 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:11:28 PM »

[highlight-text]Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore ' shoot six and write down five.

Paul Harvey

MysteRy · « **Reply #127 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:15:21 PM »

[highlight-text]I like it when people laugh for no reason... like that lady over there.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #128 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:17:19 PM »

[highlight-text]I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #129 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:18:29 PM »

[highlight-text]Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Henry Mencken

MysteRy · « **Reply #130 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:20:07 PM »

[highlight-text]Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.

Anonymous

MysteRy · « **Reply #131 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:20:54 PM »

[highlight-text]I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #132 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:26:33 PM »

[highlight-text]If my films make one more person miserable I'll feel I have done my job.

Woody Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #133 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:42:50 PM »

[highlight-text](From the enclosed booklet) Jamaican Air -- Every flight is the red-eye!

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #134 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:43:37 PM »

[highlight-text]Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

Anonymous

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