Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 28468 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #105 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:55:31 PM »

[highlight-text]The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

George Bernard Shaw

MysteRy · « **Reply #106 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:56:10 PM »

[highlight-text]My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

Red Skelton

MysteRy · « **Reply #107 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:56:47 PM »

[highlight-text]One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas.

Robert Byrne

MysteRy · « **Reply #108 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:57:27 PM »

[highlight-text]A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope

MysteRy · « **Reply #109 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:58:04 PM »

[highlight-text]Drawing on my fine command of the English language I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

MysteRy · « **Reply #110 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:58:39 PM »

[highlight-text]Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Chevy Chase

MysteRy · « **Reply #111 on:** June 04, 2018, 06:59:22 PM »

[highlight-text]The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

E. Joseph Cossman

MysteRy · « **Reply #112 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:00:03 PM »

[highlight-text]California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #113 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:00:36 PM »

[highlight-text]A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

MysteRy · « **Reply #114 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:01:15 PM »

[highlight-text]All right everyone line up alphabetically according to your height.

Casey Stengel

MysteRy · « **Reply #115 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:02:07 PM »

[highlight-text]I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charles M. Schulz

MysteRy · « **Reply #116 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:02:44 PM »

[highlight-text]Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Benjamin Franklin

MysteRy · « **Reply #117 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:03:30 PM »

[highlight-text]I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Joe E. Lewis

MysteRy · « **Reply #118 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:04:05 PM »

[highlight-text]My father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings.

Jay London

MysteRy · « **Reply #119 on:** June 04, 2018, 07:04:48 PM »

[highlight-text]Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Alfred Hitchcock

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