~ Dave Barry Quotes ~

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]You can say any foolish thing to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says My God you're right! I never would've thought of that!''

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics such as sex eye color age and Social Security number.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Once again we come to the Holiday Season a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way by going to the mall of his choice.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Big business never pays a nickel in taxes according to Ralph Nader who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should -- you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example there would be no way to make water a vital ingredient in beer.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]I hate rap music which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent informed computer enthusiasts by which I mean people without lives. We don't care. We have each other...

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]My mother used to say to me: Son it's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick. I think that still makes a heck of a lot of sense even in these troubles times.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog we can assume it will be pretty bad.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Meetings are an addictive highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Dave Barry