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~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
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Topic: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~ (Read 1788 times)
MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #15 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:33:23 AM »
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #16 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:33:49 AM »
I bought some batteries but they weren't included so I had to buy them again.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #17 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:34:19 AM »
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't part anywhere near the place.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #18 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:35:11 AM »
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #19 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:35:42 AM »
Last night I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #20 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:36:25 AM »
I installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #21 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:36:53 AM »
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #22 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:37:24 AM »
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #23 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:37:53 AM »
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #24 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:38:21 AM »
I have a microwave fireplace. I can lay down in front of the fire for the evening in eight minutes.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #25 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:38:49 AM »
I hate it when my leg falls sleep in the middle of the day because that means it'll be up all night.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #26 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:39:29 AM »
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep well?' I said 'No I made a few mistakes.'
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #27 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:40:20 AM »
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #28 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:40:48 AM »
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas people behind me stop and I'm gone.
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MysteRy
Global Moderator
Classic Member
Posts: 222689
Total likes: 27672
Total likes: 27672
Karma: +2/-0
Gender:
♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Steven Wright Quotes ~
«
Reply #29 on:
October 10, 2015, 11:41:21 AM »
I cried because I had no shoes 'till I met a man who had no feet. So I said 'You got any shoes you're not using'?
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~ Steven Wright Quotes ~