~ Siona's Collection for Kids ~

[SioNa]

A flea and a fly in aflue
were imprisoned so what could they do?
said the fly,"let us flee."
said the flea;"let us fly."
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Alex:Mom, i think it's time I got an allowance.
Mother:How about I give you double what I give tyour little brother,matt?
Alex:But Matt gets zero allowence.
Mother:Okey,so i'll give you triple.

"What are you drawing ,honey?"
"A picture of God."
"But no one knows what God looks like."
"They will when I'm finished with this."

"My brother has laryngitis,so he's talking with his hands."
"Is that why he's snapping his fingers?"
"Yeah,he has the hiccups."
5.Mother:Jimmy,your ear is bleeding!
Jimmy:I know,I accidentally bit it.
Mother:How could you bite your own ear?
Jimmy:I was standing on a chair.

Troy:Hey,what time does your new watch say?
Jimmy:It doesn't say anything.I have to look at it.
Troy:Don't be such a smart aleck!
Jimmy:Yeah!Well,what does yours say?
Troy:Tick,tick,tick,tick.

"Doctor ,my ear keeps ringing."
"You should get an unlisted ear"
8."she sure gave you a dirty look."
"Who?"
"Mother Nature."

Teacher: What does it mean when the barometer is falling?
Trent:It means whoever naild it up didn't do a good job.

"I hate taht snobby Chisrtina.Beacause of her I lost a hundred Pounds."
"Wow!what did she do?"
"Stole my boyfriend."

Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve!

Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!

Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil!

Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C level!

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie!

What is the strongest animal?
A snail. He carries his house on his back!

What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill!

Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.

Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: "Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

Doctor to a rich man: Do you prefer a local anesthesia?
Rich man: I would rather prefer an imported one.

Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn't do.
Mother: That's very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn't do? Girl: The homework.

[SioNa]

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana ."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa .."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

[SioNa]

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
Q: What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
A. Ferry tales!
Q: Why did the child study in the aeroplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!

Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?
A: Wavy!
Q: What do you call a ship that lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A: A nervous WRECK!
Q: What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?
A: Nothing. It just waved.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q: How do you prevent a summer cold?
A: Catch it in the winter!
Q: Which division of the army can a child join?
A: Infantry!
Q: Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q: Where does Tarzan buy his clothes?
A: At a Jungle Sale!
Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.
Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.
Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Mooosical Chairs.

Q: Why did the boy gift his teacher an empty box of her favourite chocolates?
A: Because they were his favourite too.

[SioNa]

An eight year girl gave her friend a birthday invitation card. On it she scribbled a note "Please don't give me a pencil box!".

A little boy said to his mother: "I feel unemployed. Do you have a job for me?"
A little boy said angrily:" I lost my gloves at school and couldn't find them anywhere." His teenager brother said:" Ok! Loser!"

 After an 11 grade math exam, a boy said: "I shouldn't have played soccer yesterday!"

"Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Amazing! Most people have to use the on/off switch."

A mother warned her children not to mistake her hair removing cream for a tooth paste. She further said:" I kept it way up in the bathroom cupboard because it's poisonous!" Her 11 year old daughter commented:" Yes! We shouldn't use it otherwise we'll have hairy teeth!"

Q: Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it ?
A: Hire yourself out for Halloween parties !

Q: Doctor, doctor, I'm just not myself.
A: Yes -I noticed the improvement.

Q: Doctor, doctor, I'm worried about my insomnia.
A: Don't lose any sleep over it.

Q: Why did Rapunzel live at the top of the tower?
A: Because she was afraid of depths!

Q: Why don't skeletons exchange e-mails?
A: Because we have no body to do it with!

Q: Why do church bells never send e-mails?
A: They'd rather give each other a ring.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
A: A carrot !

Q: What's black and white all over and difficult ?
A: An exam paper !

Q: What do demons have for breakfast ?
A: Devilled eggs !

Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.

Q: Why did mickey go to outer space?
A: To see pluto!

Q: What do Snakes study in school?
A:...HISS......tory .... !

Q: What did the snake say to his ex-girlfriend?
A: "Let's hiss and make up."