~ Erma Bombeck Quotes ~

[MysteRy]

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

[MysteRy]

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

[MysteRy]

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

[MysteRy]

One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country the American dollar will fall like a stone.

[MysteRy]

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

[MysteRy]

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

[MysteRy]

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

[MysteRy]

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say 'I used everything you gave me'.

[MysteRy]

My mother phones daily to ask 'Did you just try to reach me?' When I reply no she adds 'So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive ' . . . and hangs up.

[MysteRy]

But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love why some days it's so quiet you don't even know it's there.

[MysteRy]

I read one psychologist's theory that said 'Never strike a child in your anger.' When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

[MysteRy]

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

[MysteRy]

The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste coveting one another's desserts hiding shampoo locking each other out of our rooms inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant loving laughing defending and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.