~ Dave Barry Quotes ~

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]We humans do not need to leave Earth to get to a hostile deadly alien environment; we already have Miami.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS because as citizens we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Childbirth as a strictly physical phenomenon is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck through an inner tube.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]If God had wanted us to spend our time fretting about the problems of home ownership He would never have invented beer.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Magnetism as you recall from physics class is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time and I doubt that anybody would notice.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body and he'd claim it was 'just a sprain'.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]There are no seeing eye cats of course because the sole function of cats in the Great Chain of Life is to cause harm to human beings.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth with a top speed of 120 ft/sec is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

Dave Barry

[MysteRy]

[highlight-text]Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Dave Barry