~ Rita Rudner Quotes ~

[MysteRy]

My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

[MysteRy]

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

[MysteRy]

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

[MysteRy]

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and boughr jewelry.

[MysteRy]

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

[MysteRy]

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

[MysteRy]

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well it's cheaper and you get more feet.

[MysteRy]

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

[MysteRy]

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

[MysteRy]

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.

[MysteRy]

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night change its diapers and give it a bottle but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to.