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Doctor QuotesFamous Doctor quotes by popular authors such as Marcel Proust, Rita Rudner, Henny Youngman, Frank Lloyd Wright, Red Skelton and others.
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[highlight-text]Doctor feel my purse.
Jane Ace
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[highlight-text]An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
English Proverb
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[highlight-text]God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
Benjamin Franklin
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[highlight-text]The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.
Dizzy Dean
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[highlight-text]Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck
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[highlight-text]The best doctor is the one you run for and can't find.
Denis Diderot
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[highlight-text]No doctor takes pleasure in the health even of his friends.
Michel de Montaigne
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[highlight-text]When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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[highlight-text]Doctor to stout patient: You've been swallowing your food again.
Anonymous
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[highlight-text]Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.
Wendy Leibman
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[highlight-text]I don't like the fact that doctors are referred to as practicing.
Janet Schwartz
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[highlight-text]Whenever a doctor cannot do good he must be kept from doing harm.
Hippocrates
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[highlight-text]My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
Red Skelton
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[highlight-text]Passion you see can be destroyed by a doctor. It cannot be created.
Peter Shaffer
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[highlight-text]There's another advantage in being poor. The doctor will cure you faster.
Jacob Braude
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[highlight-text]People are so afraid of authority figures and doctors are authority figures.
Martha Beck
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[highlight-text]Honestly being a doctor could make you more close minded than regular people.
Alex Chiu
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[highlight-text]No Doctor I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old.
Madame de Rothschild
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[highlight-text]An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.
Alvan L. Barach
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[highlight-text]Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.
Napoleon Bonaparte
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[highlight-text]I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
James H. Boren
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[highlight-text]First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve Martin
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[highlight-text]I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis and I said compared to who?
Jay London
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[highlight-text]Very few people go to the doctor when they have a cold they go to the theatre instead.
W. Boyd Gatewood
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[highlight-text]I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
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[highlight-text]When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Henny Youngman
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[highlight-text]I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman
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[highlight-text]You know what they call the guy who finishes last in medical school? They call him Doctor!
Abe Lemons
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[highlight-text]I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.
Cesar Romero
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[highlight-text]A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Frank Lloyd Wright
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[highlight-text]It is the duty of a doctor to prolong life and it is not his duty to prolong the act of dying.
Thomas Lord Horder
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[highlight-text]According to my doctor it's okay to drink like a fish - as long as I drink what the fish drinks.
Anonymous
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[highlight-text]My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Orson Welles
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[highlight-text]My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Mattbau
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[highlight-text]Doctors are busy playing God when so few of us have the qualifications. And besides the job is taken.
Bernie S. Siegel
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[highlight-text]I've got to go. That's one of the penalties of being a doctor. I never seem to finish a conversation.
Robert M. Fresco
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[highlight-text]One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.
Alice James
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[highlight-text]When a man goes through six years training to be a doctor he will never be the same. He knows too much.
Enid Bagnold
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[highlight-text]Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness to knowledge we make promise only; pain we obey.
Marcel Proust
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[highlight-text]The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness the theologian all the stupidity.
Arthur Schopenhauer
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[highlight-text]I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
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[highlight-text]I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Joe E. Lewis
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[highlight-text]You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Earl Wilson
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[highlight-text]When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.
Wendy Morgan
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[highlight-text]Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
Anton Chekhov
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[highlight-text]The mistakes made by doctors are innumerable. They err habitually on the side of optimism as to treatment of pessimism as to the outcome.
Marcel Proust
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[highlight-text]Management is now where the medical profession was when it decided that working in a drug store was not sufficient training to become a doctor.
Lawrence Appley
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[highlight-text]Our doctor would never really operate unless it was necessary. He was just that way. If he didn't need the money he wouldn't lay a hand on you.
Herb Shriner
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[highlight-text]Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.
Voltaire
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[highlight-text]Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.
Rita Rudner
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[highlight-text]It is a good idea to shop around before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all you're paying for it.
Dave Barry
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[highlight-text]Photographers along with dentists are the two professions never satisfied with what they do. Every dentist would like to be a doctor and inside every photographer is a painter trying to get out.
Pablo Picasso
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[highlight-text]For each illness that doctors cure with medicine they provoke ten in healthy people by inoculating them with the virus that is a thousand times more powerful than any microbe: the idea that one is ill.
Marcel Proust
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[highlight-text]The doctor if he forgets he is only the assistant to nature and zealously takes over the stage may so add to what nature is already doing well that he actually throws the patient into shock by the vigour he adds to nature's forces.
Herbert Ratner