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Woody Allen Quotes(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/44/Woody_Allen_-_Kup.JPG/220px-Woody_Allen_-_Kup.JPG)
An American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, jazz musician, author, and playwright. Woody Allen (born Allen Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, jazz musician, author, and playwright.
Here are some famous quotes by Woody Allen.
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I am two with nature.
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Showing up is eighty percent of life.
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Ninety percent of living is just showing up.
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If you're not failing you're not trying anything.
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How to make God laugh. Tell him your future plans.
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Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
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To you I'm an atheist; to God I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
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I'm not the heroic type really. I was beaten up by Quakers.
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Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons.
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Not only is there no God but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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If my films don't show a profit I know I'm doing something right.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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When we played softball I'd steal second base feel guilty and go back.
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I'm not afraid of death I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I am not afraid of death I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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If my films make one more person miserable I'll feel I have done my job.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes.
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If I had my life to live over I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
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I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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If there is reincarnation I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather on his deathbed sold me this watch.
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On the plus side death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
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If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him.
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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have instead of what you don't have.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
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Some guy hit my fender the other day and I said unto him 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under try not to go bald.
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It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light and certainly not desirable as one's hat keeps blowing off.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.