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Mark Twain Quotes(https://friendstamilchat.in/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fthumb%2F2%2F25%2FMark_Twain%252C_Brady-Handy_photo_portrait%252C_Feb_7%252C_1871%252C_cropped.jpg%2F200px-Mark_Twain%252C_Brady-Handy_photo_portrait%252C_Feb_7%252C_1871%252C_cropped.jpg&hash=0fa97c4d81602427950c5d37defd5170291bfbdb)
An American author and humorist. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. He is noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), called "the Great American Novel", and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876).
Here are some famous quotes by Mark Twain.
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Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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This poor little one-horse town.
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To be busy is man's only happiness.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Modesty died when false modesty was born.
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Go to bed early get up early-this is wise.
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Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
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The lack of money is the root of all evil.
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Ethical man - a Christian holding four aces.
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Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
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I was born modest; not all over but in spots.
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Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident.
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A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
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Water taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
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I can live for two months on a good compliment.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast.
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The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
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He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.
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When angry count to four; when very angry swear.
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History doesn't repeat itself but it does rhyme.
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With ignorance and arrogance success is assured.
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
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Of all the animals man is the only one that lies.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
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In his private heart no man much respects himself.
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Go to Heaven for the climate Hell for the company.
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I do not like work even when someone else does it.
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He liked to like people therefore people liked him.
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Facts are stubborn but statistics are more pliable.
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The Creator made Italy with designs by Michelangelo.
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Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
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You can tell German wine from vinegar ... by the label.
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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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Put all thine eggs in one basket and - watch that basket.
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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice bigotry and narrow-mindedness.
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The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
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Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
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Get your facts first then you can distort them as you please.
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
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Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's I mean.
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
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The fragrance of the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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Courage is resistance to fear; mastery of fear; not absence of fear.
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
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Make money and the whole world will conspire to call you a gentleman.
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The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
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I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
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In statesmanship get formalities right never mind about the moralities.
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Good friends good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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Get your facts first and then you can distort 'em as much as you please.
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When I was younger I could remember anything whether it happened or not.
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Richard Wagner a musician who wrote music which is better than it sounds.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.
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Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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When I was younger I could remember anything whether it had happened or not.
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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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I didn't attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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Under certain circumstances profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and then Success is sure.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
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I am opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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That kind of so-called housekeeping where they have six Bibles and no cork-screw.
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There are several good protections against temptation but the surest is cowardice.
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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When we remember we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.
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Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.
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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles but most of them never happened.
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
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Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.
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The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
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Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it's time to pause and reflect.
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In the first place God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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When we remember that we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Ideally a book would have no order to it and the reader would have to discover his own.
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Lord save us all from ... a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
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We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going and then go with the drove.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
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What a good thing Adam had - when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
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It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble.
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I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
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Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
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Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have the man looked honest enough.
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The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way.
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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.
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Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.
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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see I have friends in both places.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie-I found that out.
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Suppose you were an idiot... and suppose you were a member of Congress... but I repeat myself.
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The problem is not that we have too many fools it's that the lightning isn't distributed right.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful careless voyage.
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Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all but most of us look the other way and lose it.
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I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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It is a wise child that knows its own father and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?
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There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horseraces.
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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.
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We may not pay Satan reverence for that would be indiscreet but we can at least respect his talents.
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Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
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We are chameleons and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility.
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Habit is habit and not to be thrown out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
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Have a place for everything and keep the things somewheres else. That is not advice it is merely custom.
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To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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Grief can take care of itself but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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When the human race has once acquired a supersitition nothing short of death is ever likely to remove it.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse yet he has left it out of his heaven.
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Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession and therefore are most economical in its use.
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George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it and when he can.
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Grief can take care of itself but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.
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I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong and he said: 'Yes: the little one does.'
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The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance stupidity and perjury.
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do and play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me it is the parts that I do understand.
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It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me it's the parts that I do understand.
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The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.
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It isn't so astonishing the number of things that I can remember as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.
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I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
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India has 2 000 000 gods and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
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Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
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Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
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Well enough for old folks to rise early because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.
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Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth.
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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount that man isn't rich.
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In certain trying circumstances urgent circumstances desperate circumstances profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
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In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
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In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust' but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par.
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly everybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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It takes your enemy and your friend working together to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
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I wish to become rich so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little like those kind-hearted fat benevolent people do.
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It is by the goodness of God that in this country we have three benefits: freedom of speech freedom of thought and the wisdom never to use either.
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Humor is the great thing the saving thing. The minute it crops up all our irritation and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency and a virtue and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency and a vice.
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.
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Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
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From his cradle to the grave a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object save one-to secure peace of mind spiritual comfort for himself.
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When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21 I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
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Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man but it would deteriorate the cat.
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I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.
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The pause - that impressive silence that eloquent silence that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words howsoever felicitous could accomplish it.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead Spenser is dead so is Milton so is Shakespeare and I'm not feeling so well myself.
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor both to yourself and to your country let me label you as they may.
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Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor both to yourself and to your country let men label you as they may.
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There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable drinkable and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.