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Entertainment => SMS & QUOTES => Topic started by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:41:39 AM

Title: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:41:39 AM
Henny Youngman Quotes

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A British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire.
Henry "Henny" Youngman (originally German surname Junggman) (March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998) was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. His best known (and oft misattributed) one-liner was "Take my wife—please".

Here are some famous quotes by Henny Youngman. 

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:42:06 AM
You can't buy love but you can pay heavily for it.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:42:35 AM
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:43:04 AM
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:43:33 AM
I take my wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:44:02 AM
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:44:38 AM
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:45:05 AM
I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:45:34 AM
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:46:04 AM
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:46:34 AM
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:47:03 AM
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:47:29 AM
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:47:59 AM
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning sleep late.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:48:27 AM
My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:48:59 AM
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
Title: Re: ~ Henny Youngman Quotes ~
Post by: MysteRy on September 22, 2014, 11:49:20 AM
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love a little affection a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house that's what it means.