FTC Forum
Entertainment => SMS & QUOTES => Topic started by: Global Angel on November 14, 2011, 06:18:54 AM
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"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
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Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
We don't know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!
husband: What should i do now?
Doctor - Send her 4 jogging,
if she returns, don't sleep with her!
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An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"
Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !
Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop
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An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...
"Which Trip ?"
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Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive
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''An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P
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Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:
"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:
"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P
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A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking
Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club:
Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He's On The Darts Team
In My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again ?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy ,
You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
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A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital
Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.
Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?
Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead... =P =D
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Cool Msg by a woman-
Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours
&
he needs a lot of improvement" ;)
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A Sweet demand by a kid.
A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked- what happen son?
Kid said-I cant adjust with your wife anymore,
I want my own.
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In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..
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Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her
"Hi,wat ru doin?"
His honest reply,"MISSING U"
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A successful man is one
who makes more money
than
his wife can spend.
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When a married man says- "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.. :-P
Lolz
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A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake
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Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D
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Having "WIFE" Is A
Part Of Living...
But
Having "GIRLFRIEND"
Along With The "WIFE" Is
Art Of Living
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It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants. :)
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
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wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing
wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date
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Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
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A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.
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HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle
If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further
M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....
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What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...
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LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE
and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS
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Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
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A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye;)
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Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
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You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
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Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"
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M: My lovely wife.
I: Is i am wrong in my sms?
S: Sex is not only thing in the life.
S: See, we have everything in our life you, me & our kids & good salaries and home also.
Y: You are everyting to me, my life my wife my jaan.
O: Our life is just a good enough for us. Alhumdullah.
U: U are the lucky one in my world... gave me our sweet family.
LOVE YOU!
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Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
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Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
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A recently fired
stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce...
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife..."
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What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
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Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
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Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
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Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"
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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,
police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare
kuch samajh nahin aa raha
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Husband to a newly wed wife!
I could go to the end of the world for you
Wife:Thanks,but promise me
you will stay there for the rest of your life.
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Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.
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Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!
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How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
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Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"
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Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
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My wife and I
were happy for 20 years.
Than we met.
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Friends Are like “Priya Gold Biscuit‚ Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
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Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
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Wife: What is so interesting in me?
Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!
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Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent ‚¦‚¦
Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De‚¦.
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Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
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Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
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Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p